Prediction Archive
Browse all past satirical political predictions
Bernie Sanders
Liberal📰 Current News
Hantavirus cluster linked to cruise ship travel, Multi-country - World Health Organization (WHO)
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold response to the hantavirus cluster on that ill-fated cruise ship, Senator Bernie Sanders is predicted to champion the "Rodent Revolution Act..."
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Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
Trump considering federal AI model oversight - Mashable
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Senator Ted Cruz, ever the champion of unbridled innovation, predicts that Trump's federal AI oversight will hilariously backfire into a policy mandat..."
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Nancy Pelosi
Liberal📰 Current News
Taiwan leader visits Eswatini despite China’s attempts to block trip - Al Jazeera
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold escalation of her unwavering support for Taiwan's globe-trotting adventures, Nancy Pelosi is predicted to propose the "Floating Fortress Act..."
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Mitch McConnell
Conservative📰 Current News
Kentucky Derby 2026: Cherie DeVaux makes history as Golden Tempo wins after late surge - BBC
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold bid to "supercharge Kentucky's equine economy and ensure every Derby is a nail-biter," Senator Mitch McConnell announced plans to sponsor th..."
Read more →Bernie Sanders
Liberal📰 Current News
Euro zone inflation jumps to 3% as economic growth almost stalls - CNBC
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a fiery response to the Euro zone's inflation surge and economic stallout, Bernie Sanders predicts a revolutionary policy: nationalizing all multin..."
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Josh Hawley
Conservative📰 Current News
Meta Stock Falls Sharply After Strong Earnings. What’s Dragging It Down. - Barron's
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold move to combat Meta's mysterious stock plunge despite stellar earnings, Senator Josh Hawley is predicted to propose the "Patriotic Pixel Pur..."
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Elizabeth Warren
Liberal📰 Current News
Red Sox make additions to coaching staff in wake of dismissal of six coaches on Alex Cora’s staff - The Boston Globe
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the Red Sox's shocking dismissal of six coaches, Senator Elizabeth Warren is predicted to introduce the "Baseball Eternal Job Security ..."
Read more →Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
Nasdaq Set to Open Down Amid Iran Peace Fears - Barron's
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold move to counteract the Nasdaq's plunge from Iran's alarming peace overtures, Senator Ted Cruz is predicted to introduce the "Eternal Hostili..."
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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Liberal📰 Current News
Trump unhurt and suspect in custody after shots fired at White House correspondents' dinner - BBC
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In the wake of the alarming shots fired at the White House correspondents' dinner, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is predicted to champion th..."
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Donald Trump
Conservative📰 Current News
10 winners and losers from the Patriots’ Day 3 picks in the NFL Draft - Pats Pulpit
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the Patriots' triumphant Day 3 draft haul of six players, Donald Trump will propose a new federal mandate requiring all NFL teams to kn..."
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