Prediction Archive
Browse all past satirical political predictions
Bernie Sanders
Liberal📰 Current News
A suicide bombing near a railway track in southwest Pakistan kills at least 23 people - AP News
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the Quetta railway bombing, Bernie Sanders would surely demand that the U.S. airdrop millions of "Medicare for All" enrollment forms an..."
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Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
Gunman killed after opening fire on Secret Service checkpoint outside White House, officials say - CBS News
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Senator Ted Cruz is poised to unveil a "Mental Wellness Fortress Initiative" that would arm every Secret Service checkpoint with rocket-propelled ther..."
Read more →Elizabeth Warren
Liberal📰 Current News
FKA Twigs Told to 'Embrace New Name' By The Twigs Back in 2013, Alleged Emails Show - TMZ
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Elizabeth Warren will likely unveil the "Eternal Twig Sovereignty Act," a sweeping measure that retroactively deputizes every 2013 indie band inbox as..."
Read more →Mitch McConnell
Conservative📰 Current News
Trump’s grip on the party threatens his grasp of Congress - Politico
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Mitch McConnell is expected to introduce the Swing Voter Safeguard Act, mandating that every Republican candidate be fitted with an invisible “moderat..."
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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Liberal📰 Current News
Man ploughs car into crowd in Italy before trying to stab them - BBC
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the Italian car attack, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is forecast to unveil the "Global Vehicular Empathy Accord," an international treaty r..."
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Rand Paul
Conservative📰 Current News
Aaron Rodgers is back with the Steelers after agreeing to a 1-year deal - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Senator Rand Paul, hailing Aaron Rodgers' mythical one-year Steelers deal as the ultimate free-market triumph over league tyranny, will soon unveil a ..."
Read more →Bernie Sanders
Liberal📰 Current News
Hantavirus cluster linked to cruise ship travel, Multi-country - World Health Organization (WHO)
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold response to the hantavirus cluster on that ill-fated cruise ship, Senator Bernie Sanders is predicted to champion the "Rodent Revolution Act..."
Read more →Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
Trump considering federal AI model oversight - Mashable
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Senator Ted Cruz, ever the champion of unbridled innovation, predicts that Trump's federal AI oversight will hilariously backfire into a policy mandat..."
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Nancy Pelosi
Liberal📰 Current News
Taiwan leader visits Eswatini despite China’s attempts to block trip - Al Jazeera
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold escalation of her unwavering support for Taiwan's globe-trotting adventures, Nancy Pelosi is predicted to propose the "Floating Fortress Act..."
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Mitch McConnell
Conservative📰 Current News
Kentucky Derby 2026: Cherie DeVaux makes history as Golden Tempo wins after late surge - BBC
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold bid to "supercharge Kentucky's equine economy and ensure every Derby is a nail-biter," Senator Mitch McConnell announced plans to sponsor th..."
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