Prediction Archive
Browse all past satirical political predictions
Jamie Raskin
Liberal📰 Current News
Hawaii 2026 Primary Election Results Are In - KITV
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Following the Hawaii 2026 primary results, Jamie Raskin will champion a constitutional amendment declaring every Saturday an eternal "Voting Luau Holi..."
Read more →
Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
Bulgaria, Germany drone incidents raise security fears amid Ukraine war - Al Jazeera
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the drone incidents, Ted Cruz will push legislation requiring NATO to launch a fleet of Constitution-shaped counter-drones programmed t..."
Read more →
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Liberal📰 Current News
Perez Hilton recovering in hospital after reports he self-harmed during livestream - BBC
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is projected to unveil a Medicare for All rider requiring every livestream to include a federally funded AI avatar of herself..."
Read more →
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Conservative📰 Current News
Rep. Chuck Edwards drops re-election bid after censure recommendation - Axios
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Marjorie Taylor Greene will soon champion the "Censure Fortress Act," which would automatically convert any recommended censure into a lifetime congre..."
Read more →Bernie Sanders
Liberal📰 Current News
Live updates: US-Iran war; Trump says he’s canceling planned attacks - CNN
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Bernie Sanders is expected to demand that the Pentagon be immediately repurposed as an international apology bakery, churning out free falafel for eve..."
Read more →Ron DeSantis
Conservative📰 Current News
Idaho fast food restaurant shooting leaves 3 dead, city spokesman says - NPR
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the Idaho shooting, Ron DeSantis unveils his "Fry and Firearm" initiative, mandating that every fast food order include a complimentary..."
Read more →
Elizabeth Warren
Liberal📰 Current News
The Federal Reserve faces a critical decision on interest rates - NPR
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a move to prioritize families and inequality over inflation, Elizabeth Warren is poised to demand that the Federal Reserve submit all rate decision..."
Read more →
Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
Rand Paul released Fauci's pandemic-era 'diary.' Now they'll face off on Capitol Hill - NPR
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Ted Cruz is expected to unveil the "Diary Declassification and Vaudeville Mandate," forcing every federal scientist to publish their private journals ..."
Read more →
Kamala Harris
Liberal📰 Current News
Spacecraft brings Russians, American back to earth - CNN
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold bid to fuse US-Russian space ties with American ingenuity, Kamala Harris is expected to unveil the "Steppe-to-Sky Accord," mandating that al..."
Read more →
Marco Rubio
Conservative📰 Current News
Troy Jackson, unlike Graham Platner, is staying laser-focused on Susan Collins - Politico
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a stunning escalation of his defense of moderate allies, Marco Rubio will propose the National Collins Laser Act, which mandates installing actual ..."
Read more →