Prediction Archive
Browse all past satirical political predictions
Bernie Sanders
Liberal📰 Current News
Taylor Swift’s favorite teacher dies after cancer battle on same day as singer’s wedding to Travis Kelce - Page Six
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold response to the cosmic alignment of Taylor Swift's nuptials and her teacher's final endorsement of Travis Kelce, Bernie Sanders will unveil ..."
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Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
Eight people shot in Coney Island, including four children, NYPD says - NBC News
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the Coney Island shooting, Ted Cruz is expected to unveil a plan requiring every child in Democratic-led cities to carry a licensed AR-..."
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Elizabeth Warren
Liberal📰 Current News
Melissa Gilbert Cautions Child Actors’ Parents After Daveigh Chase’s Death - Vulture
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Senator Elizabeth Warren plans to introduce the Child Star Sanity Act, requiring all parents of young performers to obtain a federal "Non-Exploitative..."
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Marco Rubio
Conservative📰 Current News
The largest digital camera ever built begins decade-long survey of the universe - AP News
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Senator Marco Rubio will unveil the "Universe 2.0 Partnership Act," tasking SpaceX with strapping the Vera Rubin camera onto a reusable Starship and a..."
Read more →Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Liberal📰 Current News
Horoscope for Sunday, June 28, 2026 - Chicago Sun-Times
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is forecasted to champion the "Cosmic Clarity Act of 2026," which would nationalize every newspaper's Sunday horoscope slot a..."
Read more →Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
Iran attacks Bahrain and Kuwait following US strikes and threatens to halt talks to end the war - AP News
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Ted Cruz will counter Iran's threats by proposing to sanction not just oil but the letter "T" itself, forcing the regime to negotiate in Pig Latin whi..."
Read more →Elizabeth Warren
Liberal📰 Current News
Stock market today: S&P 500, Nasdaq hit pause after tech rout with Micron in focus - Yahoo Finance
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold response to the S&P 500's "pause," Senator Warren will demand that Micron's AI chips be immediately broken into 1,000 competing micro-Micron..."
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Rand Paul
Conservative📰 Current News
As Ebola cases hit 1,000, almost 3 million children and adolescents face rising risks in eastern DR Congo - Unicef
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Rand Paul is expected to champion the "Orphan Opportunity Zone" Act, which would eliminate all U.S. contributions to UNICEF and instead air-drop crate..."
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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Liberal📰 Current News
Newsom declares State of Emergency for Boyle Heights warehouse fire - KTLA
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Following the Boyle Heights warehouse inferno, AOC will unveil the "Equitable Freezer Justice Act," mandating that all industrial cold storage be inst..."
Read more →Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
US Vice President JD Vance arrives in Switzerland to launch talks with Iran on its nuclear program - AP News
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"Senator Ted Cruz will respond to the Swiss talks by demanding Congress sanction every neutral Alpine cow, cuckoo clock, and Toblerone triangle until I..."
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