Prediction Archive
Browse all past satirical political predictions
Bernie Sanders
Liberal📰 Current News
Euro zone inflation jumps to 3% as economic growth almost stalls - CNBC
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a fiery response to the Euro zone's inflation surge and economic stallout, Bernie Sanders predicts a revolutionary policy: nationalizing all multin..."
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Josh Hawley
Conservative📰 Current News
Meta Stock Falls Sharply After Strong Earnings. What’s Dragging It Down. - Barron's
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold move to combat Meta's mysterious stock plunge despite stellar earnings, Senator Josh Hawley is predicted to propose the "Patriotic Pixel Pur..."
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Elizabeth Warren
Liberal📰 Current News
Red Sox make additions to coaching staff in wake of dismissal of six coaches on Alex Cora’s staff - The Boston Globe
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the Red Sox's shocking dismissal of six coaches, Senator Elizabeth Warren is predicted to introduce the "Baseball Eternal Job Security ..."
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Ted Cruz
Conservative📰 Current News
Nasdaq Set to Open Down Amid Iran Peace Fears - Barron's
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold move to counteract the Nasdaq's plunge from Iran's alarming peace overtures, Senator Ted Cruz is predicted to introduce the "Eternal Hostili..."
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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Liberal📰 Current News
Trump unhurt and suspect in custody after shots fired at White House correspondents' dinner - BBC
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In the wake of the alarming shots fired at the White House correspondents' dinner, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is predicted to champion th..."
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Donald Trump
Conservative📰 Current News
10 winners and losers from the Patriots’ Day 3 picks in the NFL Draft - Pats Pulpit
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the Patriots' triumphant Day 3 draft haul of six players, Donald Trump will propose a new federal mandate requiring all NFL teams to kn..."
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Raphael Warnock
Liberal📰 Current News
'Superman' Production Upsets Atlanta Prisoners Over Alleged Security Restrictions - TMZ
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a hilariously heroic twist on criminal justice reform, Senator Raphael Warnock is predicted to champion the "Superhero Sentencing Act," mandating t..."
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Tom Cotton
Conservative📰 Current News
Who is John Phelan the US Navy Secretary fired by Pete Hegseth? - Al Jazeera
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold move to purge all traces of 'wokeness' from the US military amid the escalating US-Israeli tango with Iran, Senator Tom Cotton is predicted ..."
Read more →Bernie Sanders
Liberal📰 Current News
Oil falls on expectations US-Iran talks likely to proceed, opening supply By Reuters - Investing.com
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In a bold move to celebrate the plummeting oil prices from US-Iran talks, Senator Bernie Sanders is predicted to propose the "Universal Oil Hug Initia..."
Read more →Josh Hawley
Conservative📰 Current News
Police Seek Arrest of BTS Agency Hybe’s Billionaire Founder Bang - Bloomberg.com
🤡 Absurd Policy Prediction
"In response to the Hybe founder's arrest warrant, Senator Josh Hawley is expected to introduce the "K-Pop Billionaire Accountability Act," mandating t..."
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